Friday, 20 September 2013

Something for the weekend

Cllr Anna Firth from Sevenoaks DC has just sent me the following list of the top ten bizarre enquiries received by various local council's customer services teams. 

1. Are there any regulations on keeping a crocodile in my back garden? (Reigate and Banstead Borough Council)

2. Can you teach me how to use a chain-saw? (Chelmsford Borough Council)

 3. Do you know where I could get an old bath that I could fill with custard? (London Borough of Sutton Council)

 4. Can you send a pest control officer to remove a frog from the bottom of the communal stairs in my block of flats? (Crawley Borough Council)

 5. Am I allowed to bury my horse in my back garden? (Warwickshire County Council)

6. "I've tried the number given on your website for the library but it doesn't work." "What was the number?" "0900 1800" "I'm sorry those are the library opening times not their phone number..." (Surrey County Council)

 7. How can I get permission to pitch a tent on the central reservation of the A35 trunk road? (Derby City Council)

 8. How do you make a marinade to put on my barbecue steaks? (Newark and Sherwood District Council).

 9. A lady rang to say she couldn't get any reception on her TV. She'd already contacted the police and the fire brigade but they couldn't help, so she called the council (Rossendale Borough Council).

 10. Can you remove all porn from the internet? (Westminster City Council)


  1. "Do I need a licence to keep a pet monkey, and how much is it?" (Canterbury City Council, the portfolio holder told me at the weekend!)

  2. It's sixty quid, and eight for the fruit bat.

    1. when I read "eight for the fruit bat" I thought you were referring to SWMBO.

  3. Unfamiliar with John Cleese in the MP sketch about cat detector vans, eh?