Meanwhile...at the Chatham & Aylesford BBQ

Door to door enquiries have been launched in a prosperous suburb of Aylesford after a young woman gate crashed an annual get-together of pensioners, pushed her way to the front of the queue, and helped herself to large quantities of burnt food.

After haranguing the crowd about badgers and football, she started picking random coloured tickets from a wicker basket and shouting at the confused onlookers. "92 green who has 92 green?"

Local pensioner, Jocelyn Glad (82), who organised the reunion, said, "suddenly she appeared and started asking if Nicholas Soames should come for dinner. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure if there would be enough food."

Another guest, Allan Sullivan (91), said, "I've had lovely time, but when is matron coming to take me back. It's well past my bedtime."