Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Down the pan !

Ring ring.  Ring ring.

Tonbridge & Malling Conservative Association, how can I help you?

Is John Stanley there?

I am afraid he's in Westminster. Can I help.

Yeah, can he come round?

He's in Westminster. Maybe I can help you.

Yeah, I want him to come around.

He's in Westminster.

So he's not there then?

He's in Westminster.

Someone said he fixes things.

Well, he can certainly try to help if you have a problem. Would you like an appointment at his next Advice Centre?

When's that then?

Friday 20 July in Tonbridge.

Tonbridge? That's bloody miles away and I can't wait that long. It's urgent. Can't he come round today?

He's in Westminster. 
Why don't you tell me what the problem is and I can see how best to help.

Me toilet's blocked.

I see, I don't think Sir John is really your man. He's not a plumber.  Have you tried phoning a plumber?

I live in a Council house.

Have you phoned the landlords?  I can give you ther number for your local Housing Association. Where do you live?


AHHHH! I know exactly the person who can help you. Tracey Crouch MP is in charge of blocked lavatories in Snodland. I'll give you her number.


  1. Didn't know Tracey Crouch worked for the local housing association.

  2. Oh there are few pipes the hon. Lady hasn't unblocked by all accounts!

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