Friday, 28 August 2015

Barnes-storming on the High Seas

Returning to the ship last evening after a day in Orkney I found several messages on my mobile and social media (many with hyperlinks) telling me that "Ann Barnes has done it again". Sadly, no-one actually told me what she had done, and by the time I had returned to my cabin to dress for dinner and read the messages we were back on the high seas with no internet access.

This morning at the breakfast table a fellow passenger from Kent greeted me with, "when are we going to be rid of that bloody woman"? I was still none the wiser, and not wanting to comment with knowing what she had done or said, I passed-off the comment with a joke about the onions.

It didn't take long however as just after coffee was served the Head Waiter brought around the daily copy of "Braemer News" containing a summary of the top stories from the UK papers. And there, right on the front page, was the headline

"Police Chief in tantrum over a glass of wine"

Apparently our totally independent police commissioner Calamity Ann was so rude in a local pub that she reduced a waitress to tears then stormed out "in a strop" announcing that she would "never be back" when she was charged for three glasses of wine instead of the two she said she had consumed. And who can blame her? Three glasses of wine might well have invalidated her insurance, perish the thought. 

Then an hour or so ago at lunch we found ourselves chatting to another couple who know her well - they attend the same Am Dram group. Apparently a few weeks ago one asked if she was "looking forward to retirement?"   Calamity Ann's response, "who said I am going to retire?"

Bring it on!

But Ann, with your track record, I suggest between now and the election you limit your drinking to cup-a-soups just in case.

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