Mr Cameron - BEWARE!

The phone rang this morning. It was Maude Harrington (obviously not her real name). 

"Oh hello, Dear. Maude Harrington calling.  I have received a very charming and correctly punctuated email from the Prime Minister informing me that the Conservative Party Conference in Birmingham is the last chance to hear about our policies before the General Election. Mr Cameron indicated that I really should attend, if at all possible, and I was offered a discount."

Oh! Lovely. And would you like to attend?

"Me, dear?  I am 96 years of age!  And whilst the mind might be willing, sadly the body is weak. I really do think I am a bit passed it now!"

You would be very welcome to attend if you wanted to go, you don't have to go for the whole four days. 

"That's very kind, but I shall stay at home and watch it on television. The reason I am calling is that I would like to write back and thank the Prime Minister for his email and explain why I cannot attend, and I should like to know if I should write to dear Prime Minister or Dear Mr Cameron. What do you think is best?"

How did he address his email to you?

"Well, he addressed me as Dear Maude..."

In that case perhaps you should write to Dear Dave?

"I don't think so, Dear. I have never been formally introduced. I suspect it's a generational thing. Do you think people do call him Dave?"

There was a time when he told us to!

"Really? My goodness. Do you think Mr Macmillan went around telling people to call him Harry?"

I doubt it! Anyway, I suspect he won't mind if you call him Mr Cameron or Prime Minister. It's very good of you to show such consideration.

"Thank you for your time. By the way, when I do write, I am going to give him a piece of my mind about the Common Market!  And I am going to tell him that he should not have sacked Mr Gove either.... "