I thought that would get your attention!
Earlier this evening my Blackberry went PLONK - and I knew it was Tracey Crouch. Don't worry, I don't have designated ring tones for each of my MPs (if I did, what on earth would I allocate to Sir John Stanley? - answers in the comments section, please). The plonk noise is for Blackberry Messenger, and Tracey is my only contact on BBM, hence I knew it was her.
Anyway, she was excited. Apparently she had just been visiting a factory or a shop, and pinned on the staff room noticeboard was a cutting from The Sun. It was a list of the Top Ten places in the UK for average spend on sex toys. And right there "in at number six" was Aylesford.
I have always thought there was something of Stepford Wives about Aylesford, all those trimmed hedgerows and neat post war semi detached houses. In fact, I am there tomorrow, at a lunch party at the home of Chatham & Aylesford's Association President., Joyce Gadd. Joyce is renowned for her catering and hospitality - she claims to be a dab hand with the rolling pin - now I wonder what she uses it for!
And I always thought that dull humming sound was the distant roar of the M20.